On Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein

Once again, pretty sure this is the most I've read (for fun) in years. Sad to say but happy it's happening!

This week, I finished Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein. This book was OK. I think it could have used a trigger warning. Ultimately, as a woman, it reinforced my own life experiences, so there wasn't too much new information for me. It was no surprise that abstinence-only education had negative impacts on sexual health for all genders and sexual orientations and that the best way to keep kids safe and away from other risky behavior in general is to give them all the information. I think this book is probably best to be read by young boys and young girls. 

The book aims to address deficiencies in sexual education for women, including the new trend of young women to 'reclaim' their sexuality by participating in pornography. This topic is tricky because how can someone tell the 'empowered' person that their experience is untrue? It is difficult to touch this without coming off as, frankly, kind of supercilious. The author has a good point though, "those performers [who are empowered by sexualization] still work within a system that, for the most part, demands women look and present their bodies in a particular way," (p.25). Further, is it empowerment if, instead of your body being an object it is a product? Fundamentally, I agree that it can't be true empowerment. Engaging in sexual content creation has clear limits on physical and sexual health and is probably negative for women long-term. 

The book did identify things that subconsciously objectify and normalize violence against women. "In the study of behaviors in popular porn, nearly 90% of 304 random scenes contained physical aggression toward women, while close to half contained verbal humiliation...More insidiously, women would sometimes initially resist abuse, begging their partners to stop; when that didn't happen, they acquiesced and began to enjoy" it, no matter how hurtful it was (p.31). This is so horrible. We can't blame young men who see this and are taught that women want this, or young women who see this and feel like that's what men want and are taught they must toe the line between being sexy but not a slut; wanting it but not too much; and without any guidance. Many young girls are not taught how to have a voice, particularly in a sexual context. It is overwhelmingly common for girls to participate in oral sex "to avoid conflict," (p.48). 

Here are a few salient quotes:

"[Women] learn that sex is a performance rather than a felt experience," (p.3)

"Fully half the girls had experienced something along a spectrum of coercion to rape," (p.5)

Referring to advertisements, "as a man, he used his body; as a woman, she displayed it," (p.13). 

Overall, the book was 4/5. I wish there was more of a plan to get better sex education in schools and at home. I also think it could have covered lesbian and gender-nonconforming relationships more. Even progressive parents have a hard time discussing this issue. It's taboo for all of us, but our kids' health depends on the conversation. Thanks to my brother, Jeremy, for the recommendation.